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serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-26 06:18 pm

soft tuesday, allowing myself to grieve.

one day I will try to write a new little intro page thingie. but I don't want to do it when I'm depressed and I'm usually depressed, whoops.

Slept through most of the night pain free, and actually had a pleasant dream for once (I get nightmares chronically most nights, it's a common issue with cPTSD/childhood trauma). But I was slow to get out of bed and the back pain crept back in.

A friend suggested a little self-care app called finch to me (lmk if you want an invite, can send it via email or DM or whatever), I failed to use her invite because I didn't understand how but I did friend her when I got there, at least.

It seemed like the app helped me a lot, today. I got through a bunch of stuff I've been struggling with for weeks. I made an appt for my orthotics for my injured right foot, I messaged my doctor at Rebound (disappointing reply but at least I tried), figured out how to get my x-ray done for my ankle (I might go first thing in the morning and then reward myself with a visit to the sunflower festival at Bella Organic Farm on Sauvie's Island), and asked to reschedule an appointment I am not ready for. I asked our realtor to schedule in Josh for a showing this weekend and asked our broker to draft some payment estimates for the house, in case we decide to put in an offer. I have gotten my heart set on another house that I'm hoping will be right for us. Its downsides are workable and it seems like a good little house overall, but there's no way to know for sure until we do an inspection, so. I'll at least look forward to walking through it again with Josh this weekend.

Got some errands done, attended to some work messages I'd been neglecting for a bit, took my supplements, played with Avalanche a lot, did some reading/studying, did some laundry, keeping up on dishes despite Josh not being here (usually I let it go as soon as he leaves), even did my PT this morning.

functioning fairly well but I still feel just absolutely miserable. It is so frustrating. I am working on avoiding the news altogether, especially NPR, which has become just constant violence. I am working on listening to soundscapes and music and not doomscrolling so much, it is helping a bit, it's not as hard as I thought it was going to be.

Just still really reeling from trying to figure out who I am and how to move forward with this really painful body. it feels like dying and I am fixated on death, which happens when I get really depressed. So I know that even though I am getting through some tasks, even ones that can be really difficult for me (medical stuff), I am not well.

It feels like I will never be well.

It's just really hard to figure out how to move forward.

I want to be outside more but it's 90 degrees with poor air quality, alas. Tomorrow will be slightly cooler and a little bit of light rain, I am looking forward to that. x-ray and sunflowers, maybe? I've only been to Bella Organic farm in the fall for the haunted corn maze, it would be nice to see it in summer.

It's nice to have Tues/Wed as my weekend :)

Josh is out of town so I'm a little lonely and eating too much peanut butter (forbidden when he is home) and also relieved that I don't have to pretend to be okay for anyone. I am isolating a bit, I just am so tired of not being seen and listening to what everyone else is going through and not being able to share where I am at because it is too sad.

The friend who sent me the finch invite has been through a lot of death and loss like I have, not quite as much as she still lives with her parents, but her beloved little brother committed suicide a few years ago :(

time for sunset walkies. just had a tearful phone call with josh. he's in New Jersey for work and feeling lonely. we're okay, it's just kinda sad for us right now. walkies will help me not wallow in it too too much.
denise: Image: Me, facing away from camera, on top of the Castel Sant'Angelo in Rome (Default)
Denise ([staff profile] denise) wrote in [site community profile] dw_news2025-08-26 12:24 am

Mississippi legal challenge: beginning 1 September, we will need to geoblock Mississippi IPs

I'll start with the tl;dr summary to make sure everyone sees it and then explain further: As of September 1, we will temporarily be forced to block access to Dreamwidth from all IP addresses that geolocate to Mississippi for legal reasons. This block will need to continue until we either win the legal case entirely, or the district court issues another injunction preventing Mississippi from enforcing their social media age verification and parental consent law against us.

Mississippi residents, we are so, so sorry. We really don't want to do this, but the legal fight we and Netchoice have been fighting for you had a temporary setback last week. We genuinely and honestly believe that we're going to win it in the end, but the Fifth Circuit appellate court said that the district judge was wrong to issue the preliminary injunction back in June that would have maintained the status quo and prevented the state from enforcing the law requiring any social media website (which is very broadly defined, and which we definitely qualify as) to deanonymize and age-verify all users and obtain parental permission from the parent of anyone under 18 who wants to open an account.

Netchoice took that appellate ruling up to the Supreme Court, who declined to overrule the Fifth Circuit with no explanation -- except for Justice Kavanaugh agreeing that we are likely to win the fight in the end, but saying that it's no big deal to let the state enforce the law in the meantime.

Needless to say, it's a big deal to let the state enforce the law in the meantime. The Mississippi law is a breathtaking state overreach: it forces us to verify the identity and age of every person who accesses Dreamwidth from the state of Mississippi and determine who's under the age of 18 by collecting identity documents, to save that highly personal and sensitive information, and then to obtain a permission slip from those users' parents to allow them to finish creating an account. It also forces us to change our moderation policies and stop anyone under 18 from accessing a wide variety of legal and beneficial speech because the state of Mississippi doesn't like it -- which, given the way Dreamwidth works, would mean blocking people from talking about those things at all. (And if you think you know exactly what kind of content the state of Mississippi doesn't like, you're absolutely right.)

Needless to say, we don't want to do that, either. Even if we wanted to, though, we can't: the resources it would take for us to build the systems that would let us do it are well beyond our capacity. You can read the sworn declaration I provided to the court for some examples of how unworkable these requirements are in practice. (That isn't even everything! The lawyers gave me a page limit!)

Unfortunately, the penalties for failing to comply with the Mississippi law are incredibly steep: fines of $10,000 per user from Mississippi who we don't have identity documents verifying age for, per incident -- which means every time someone from Mississippi loaded Dreamwidth, we'd potentially owe Mississippi $10,000. Even a single $10,000 fine would be rough for us, but the per-user, per-incident nature of the actual fine structure is an existential threat. And because we're part of the organization suing Mississippi over it, and were explicitly named in the now-overturned preliminary injunction, we think the risk of the state deciding to engage in retaliatory prosecution while the full legal challenge continues to work its way through the courts is a lot higher than we're comfortable with. Mississippi has been itching to issue those fines for a while, and while normally we wouldn't worry much because we're a small and obscure site, the fact that we've been yelling at them in court about the law being unconstitutional means the chance of them lumping us in with the big social media giants and trying to fine us is just too high for us to want to risk it. (The excellent lawyers we've been working with are Netchoice's lawyers, not ours!)

All of this means we've made the extremely painful decision that our only possible option for the time being is to block Mississippi IP addresses from accessing Dreamwidth, until we win the case. (And I repeat: I am absolutely incredibly confident we'll win the case. And apparently Justice Kavanaugh agrees!) I repeat: I am so, so sorry. This is the last thing we wanted to do, and I've been fighting my ass off for the last three years to prevent it. But, as everyone who follows the legal system knows, the Fifth Circuit is gonna do what it's gonna do, whether or not what they want to do has any relationship to the actual law.

We don't collect geolocation information ourselves, and we have no idea which of our users are residents of Mississippi. (We also don't want to know that, unless you choose to tell us.) Because of that, and because access to highly accurate geolocation databases is extremely expensive, our only option is to use our network provider's geolocation-based blocking to prevent connections from IP addresses they identify as being from Mississippi from even reaching Dreamwidth in the first place. I have no idea how accurate their geolocation is, and it's possible that some people not in Mississippi might also be affected by this block. (The inaccuracy of geolocation is only, like, the 27th most important reason on the list of "why this law is practically impossible for any site to comply with, much less a tiny site like us".)

If your IP address is identified as coming from Mississippi, beginning on September 1, you'll see a shorter, simpler version of this message and be unable to proceed to the site itself. If you would otherwise be affected, but you have a VPN or proxy service that masks your IP address and changes where your connection appears to come from, you won't get the block message, and you can keep using Dreamwidth the way you usually would.

On a completely unrelated note while I have you all here, have I mentioned lately that I really like ProtonVPN's service, privacy practices, and pricing? They also have a free tier available that, although limited to one device, has no ads or data caps and doesn't log your activity, unlike most of the free VPN services out there. VPNs are an excellent privacy and security tool that every user of the internet should be familiar with! We aren't affiliated with Proton and we don't get any kickbacks if you sign up with them, but I'm a satisfied customer and I wanted to take this chance to let you know that.

Again, we're so incredibly sorry to have to make this announcement, and I personally promise you that I will continue to fight this law, and all of the others like it that various states are passing, with every inch of the New Jersey-bred stubborn fightiness you've come to know and love over the last 16 years. The instant we think it's less legally risky for us to allow connections from Mississippi IP addresses, we'll undo the block and let you know.

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serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-24 12:04 pm

lazy sunday.

A blessed Sunday to myself. Josh flies home from his weekend with Emily tonight. I'll go get him at the airport, and then take him back in the morning for four days in New Jersey for work - poor guy, too much flying.

It's another 95 degree day so I'll close up the apartment and turn on the a/c for Avalanche before I head out to the farmers market. I haven't decided if I'm biking or driving, yet. I'm a bit worn out from all the hiking yesterday. But maybe I can just take it easy on the bike? We'll see how I feel once I'm dressed.

The crows are chattering sweetly. It's slightly overcast and cooler than yesterday, at least so far.

Tyler and I ran off to the coast yesterday to escape the 100 degree day. It was lovely, but unfortunately traffic was a total nightmare. This is why I never go to the coast on weekends in the summer. But this was the only day Tyler could go so I decided to tough it out. It took about three hours to get there and almost 4 hours driving to get home, it was sooooooo bad. (Usually a coastal drive is less than 2hrs each way, but, I always go on Tues/Wednesdays.) But I still would have rather been with him than alone, the trail itself was empty, the mountain was beautiful, and we were treated to the most delightful beach sunset, which was legitimately chilly! So nice after a hot day of hiking. I didn't want to brave a busy restaurant so we popped into a local grocery store and grabbed some snacks before heading out, I am grateful for this. I brought us food also, but I didn't really bring enough to feed Tyler, whose metabolism is 4x as fast as mine, so extra snacks were needed. We found so many cool mushrooms! Quite the score for summer!

It does always make me a little sad that my presence in a beautiful area requires disrupting the space that elk and deer and other forest life used to be able to call their home in peace. I will never not think about this. Even the bugs that get accidentally squished upset me, I can't help it. These kinds of things are why I hate to travel, I try not to drive very much (I put about 5,000 miles a year on my car), I don't like to fly, I feel like I just cause damage and wreckage by existing. I saw this funny video about Europeans protesting the flood of American tourists and it just made me laugh a little. This is why I don't go! But it's also the case, as always, that my sacrifices make so little difference and entitled rich people will just keep traveling and flying everywhere with no concern for the damage it causes. There was this retired couple being interviewed about getting shot with super soakers by Madrid locals, and they were chuckling and saying it was refreshing in the heat and "very exciting actually," which just, uuuuuuugh. These countries depend on tourism, but it's gotten out of control. It reminds me of the car bloat that has happened in this country - nobody thinks about the social and environmental damage of driving a huge car, everyone gets bigger and bigger SUVs and trucks and act like it's just normal. And here I am in my little Fit, desperately trying to see around all these monstrosities on the road all around me while trying to stay safe, it's soooooooooooo awful and nobody talks about it or cares. Nobody needs giant cars! But it's easy and has become normalized and makes them feel safer and more powerful to tower up over everyone else. It's sickening and I hate it. Just needed to vent about that.

I am just... so mindful and thoughtful about my impact, in a world where people just rampantly cause destruction and pollution wherever they go without a second thought. It's why I have this pet peeve about disposable coffee cups. I have been bringing cups to cafes forEVER, I hate making trash unnecessarily. I do this in restaurants (which I rarely go to) whenever possible too, to avoid all that plastic waste. But even after decades, it just doesn't catch on. It's so easy and only takes a moment of thoughtfulness (oh, we're going to get tacos, I'll grab a pyrex just in case we take something home), but nobody else bothers, and they look at me like I'm crazy and grudgingly take my cup or bin as if I am so crazy hippie weirdo. Everyone should be doing this. But alas. It's just little me. I feel so alone in this. It is all set up this way, it is impossible not to make trash, I did it last night buying Josh's lasagna at that lil grocery store, as I hadn't anticipated the purchase and didn't have a bin. It sucks that this isn't just how we do things. Nobody is perfect and I'm not trying to personally blame or guilt anyone, I just wish the culture was different so that this was not such a painful uphill lonely battle. But. I will not stop. Every once in a while I do get a sweet compliment from a barista or something. "It's that sweet environmentally friendly fairy lady!" lol.

My cups have become fashion statements too, due to the art stickers I've added to them. Spooky bunny and mushroom skull and baby Zero and shooting star flowers all get noticed. It's nice. Even for the iced drinks, baristas will exclaim, "I love mason jars!" :)

....

Today I want to visit the farmers market, grab some other groceries and n/a beer, read the house hunting book, and write some cards to my friends with cancer/terminal illnesses.

The floors are swept and I'm caught up on orders. There are ants again but I'm working on it. Website maintenance would be nice but I also want to research possible puppets for the festival this year. I could get started on my moth, or look into a possible light up night puppet with moveable wings and paws (I don't know what this animal would be yet - maybe a made up one - a ghost dragon? I dunno).

...

Been craving so many treats: a buttery pastry, a glazed doughnut, a dipped cone from DQ, a vegan fast food burger (maybe the fake chicken or fish sandwich, with sweet potato fries?), olive/rosemary focaccia. Maybe I can find something indulgent at the market, today. But first, more coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

...

Wrist feels much better, glad I took a break from silks. I avoided using trekking poles yesterday for Neahkanie mountain, which is a 1400' elevation gain hike with lots of roots and logs and erosion and rocks, but it went fine. I might have to do this a lot more going forward, since my hands hurt so often, these days.

Okay an hour left to get to market, time to cool down the apartment, Avalanche is crashed out asleep, time to get going.
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serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-22 10:38 pm

Sweet little angel cat

Woke up from my nap with a throbbing wrist out of nowhere. All I managed to do was feed Avalanche and message Tyler about hiking tomorrow and go back to bed. It hurts so much, I don’t know why. I don’t remember anything happening.

I wasn’t able to give avalanche any playtime today - I had less than 4 hrs of sleep, then counseling and taking Josh to the airport, then work. I had to close up the apartment against the heat so she didn’t have her usual open windows to watch birds and squirrels. I crashed when I got home. Despite not playing with her at all today, she’s curled up between my legs. She loves me anyway. So grateful.
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serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-22 04:51 pm

overflow of gratitude

so grateful for my little window a/c unit that kept the apartment cool for Avalanche while I was away at work, today.

so grateful for the a/c at work that keeps me and my customers comfortable on 100 degree days. It's miraculous!

so grateful for iced coffee drinks in the afternoon.

so grateful for dancing late into the night with fun, kind, attractive, silly, fun-loving people and closing the place down at 2am like a bunch of kids, and for Derek playing my favorite songs that kept me going until the wee hours of the morning, causing the required afternoon iced coffee. (He ended with Boys Noize for me! Again!)

so grateful for my sparkly job and the kind, sweet, gentle people who come to get sparkles in their hair from me, for prancing around in faery wings and ears all day, for a beautiful microgreen salad for lunch, for a beautiful breakfast of greek yogurt and berries and crunchy almonds.

for indulging in peanut butter to my heart's content while Josh is away for the weekend.

for a weekend free to do exactly what I want (other than a small mount of work which I am also grateful for!)

so grateful for customers continuing to fill up my appointments, week after week, keeping me afloat, keeping my cat and I housed and fed and our needs met.

thankful for my body not hurting too much today, despite putting it through the ringer this week - grateful I trusted my instincts and opted out of the hike and bike ride that might have increased my pain levels.

grateful for avocados! did you know that they are wonderful with peanut butter?

did I mention how much I love coffee.

I am exhausted and happy and content, tonight. It is 96 outside and 76 in my apartment. I am fed and sheltered and loved. life feels perfect in this moment.

it is 4:59pm! I get to have non-alcoholic beer whenever I want! (I try to wait until after 5pm to start drinking even if it's fake non-beer lol.)

grateful for my sobriety. I complain about it a lot because I get jealous of everyone's quick-fix coping mechanisms (drugs or pills or whatever) to deal with the ills of this world, but it really is better for me to not do any drugs or pharmaceuticals.

someone asked me at the club last night - a cute younger kid in some darker colored raver type pants - asked me if I was a Tiefling. I definitely could be! If I were ever into Dungeons and Dragons I'm sure I'd have played tiefling characters. I had a Tauren the one time I played WOW. I enjoy horns, what can I say.

grateful for saltines, and other small packaged treats that keep me going throughout the day.

grateful for a cozy bed I shall likely fall into at any moment :)
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serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-14 09:02 am

loosened talons.

The mountain was so beautiful. Tyler was so calm and kind and patient. Josh also, who encouraged this venture.

I am not depressed this morning and I am confused about it. Normally I am searching for ways to self-soothe in the morning just to function, but I am all right, at the moment, so I don't need to. It's so abnormal it's disorienting.

Maybe I can actually do some PT before work, today?